Happy New Year to one and all. My prayer for you is that peace is in your life this year as well!
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010...Over and Out!
Happy New Year, everyone! I am so excited to embrace 2011. The complete and fulfilled feeling I spoke of in my last post has only grown through this holiday season. My boys bless my life every day. I am feeling like life is pretty much perfect, and so my family has made an important decision...we are complete. We are good enough just they way we are. It feels so good to be starting a new year with this weight off my shoulders. We are planning vacations with our boys, we are planning "just adults" getaways, and I know this year will fly by just like the last one, filled with happiness and memories...if I allow it to be that way. I have finally decided, that is what I want. Peace, contentment, joy in my already abundant life. Who can ask for more than this?
Happy New Year to one and all. My prayer for you is that peace is in your life this year as well!
Happy New Year to one and all. My prayer for you is that peace is in your life this year as well!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Another Year...
Looking back on the year, I have not written as much as I wanted or needed. However, I think that these eventful past months, as well as the closing of another year in our family's life, is a good time to look back and spill a little of what has been on my mind.
My baby has turned three! This is absolutely unbelievable to me. He just got here! How have three years passed so quickly? I looked back on my post on his birthday last year, and I had expressed a wish that I could freeze him at two, because he was so precious, happy, and perfect at exactly that age. What I never could have expected is that I love him even more infinitely now at three. He is still such a cheerful, adorable child. In the past year, he has also become one of the funniest kids I have ever known. He knows how to get a laugh, and every single day is made brighter because he's a part of it. I can't even put into words the way I feel about him. He has been the most remarkable gift to our family. I am so blessed to be his mother.
Big guy is halfway finished with kindergarten...something else I simply can't believe. The kid lives for school. He has turned into an awesome reader, and he still loves to draw and write. His dearest wish is to be a published author. He is more like me than I ever could have imagined! He has made so many friends this year, and I see him blossoming into a confident, smart young man that I am so proud to call my son. I adore him more every day. His precious smile and excited chattering are so much a part of my life now. He is a child I love, but more importantly, he is a kid I really like to hang out with.
We went to the North Carolina mountains to ride the Polar Express this weekend. The boys are at the perfect age for this experience. My beautiful sons became so thrilled as we approached the "North Pole," and it really was overwhelming to come upon Santa in his sleigh in the snow. Big guy was once again sure that this was the real Santa, since our train ride had taken us to his home, and we got the most wonderful picture of him looking up at Santa in awe. It was hard to take that train ride and not believe! :)
This year has been a tough one in a lot of ways. I have so many things that I want to work on within myself. I have felt myself going through stages of anger, bitterness, and jealousy, and these are qualities within myself that I really, truly hate. However, at the end of this year, on this wonderful mountain adventure with my husband and sons, I didn't feel any of those things. I felt peaceful, I felt blessed, and I felt almost...almost...complete. My prayer for 2011 is that those days become the rule rather than the exception. I have so much! I have so much it is almost overwhelming to me. My resolution is to live every day for what I have already been given, not for what I may (or may not) one day receive. My family is a gift of inestimable value, God has blessed me so very richly, and I am humbled by the great privilege of having these boys in my life.
My baby has turned three! This is absolutely unbelievable to me. He just got here! How have three years passed so quickly? I looked back on my post on his birthday last year, and I had expressed a wish that I could freeze him at two, because he was so precious, happy, and perfect at exactly that age. What I never could have expected is that I love him even more infinitely now at three. He is still such a cheerful, adorable child. In the past year, he has also become one of the funniest kids I have ever known. He knows how to get a laugh, and every single day is made brighter because he's a part of it. I can't even put into words the way I feel about him. He has been the most remarkable gift to our family. I am so blessed to be his mother.
Big guy is halfway finished with kindergarten...something else I simply can't believe. The kid lives for school. He has turned into an awesome reader, and he still loves to draw and write. His dearest wish is to be a published author. He is more like me than I ever could have imagined! He has made so many friends this year, and I see him blossoming into a confident, smart young man that I am so proud to call my son. I adore him more every day. His precious smile and excited chattering are so much a part of my life now. He is a child I love, but more importantly, he is a kid I really like to hang out with.
We went to the North Carolina mountains to ride the Polar Express this weekend. The boys are at the perfect age for this experience. My beautiful sons became so thrilled as we approached the "North Pole," and it really was overwhelming to come upon Santa in his sleigh in the snow. Big guy was once again sure that this was the real Santa, since our train ride had taken us to his home, and we got the most wonderful picture of him looking up at Santa in awe. It was hard to take that train ride and not believe! :)
This year has been a tough one in a lot of ways. I have so many things that I want to work on within myself. I have felt myself going through stages of anger, bitterness, and jealousy, and these are qualities within myself that I really, truly hate. However, at the end of this year, on this wonderful mountain adventure with my husband and sons, I didn't feel any of those things. I felt peaceful, I felt blessed, and I felt almost...almost...complete. My prayer for 2011 is that those days become the rule rather than the exception. I have so much! I have so much it is almost overwhelming to me. My resolution is to live every day for what I have already been given, not for what I may (or may not) one day receive. My family is a gift of inestimable value, God has blessed me so very richly, and I am humbled by the great privilege of having these boys in my life.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Not a Baby, But Not a Big Boy Quite Yet
My sweet big guy has been in kindergarten now for 2 and a half weeks, and it's going about like we expected. The work he is bringing home is excellent. He is writing up a storm, adding creative touches to his worksheets, and his neatness is improving by leaps and bounds. He is also loving the social side of school, as he attests that his favorite things about school are "playground and lunchroom." We're having a few behavioral struggles, though, and they are exactly the ones we expected. He is a bit too talkative, he has trouble following directions without reminders, and if something doesn't go the way he wants, he is prone to crying and tantrums. In talking with him and his teachers, it appears that the tantrums seem to occur more at the end of the day, when he is tired and ready to go home. I'm not surprised. Kindergarten is a huge transition for little kids. He is gone from home for almost 8 hours every day, and he's spending most of that time hard at work. We're working on the behaviors and he knows our expectations, but for these first couple of weeks, we have cut him a little slack.
Big guy has always been social and not very much of a homebody, but he has told me that the worst part of kindergarten is that he misses me. Each day the class has free-choice centers, when they are allowed to go to whichever center they like. He usually chooses drawing. Most days, he has brought home a sweet homemade card for me that he drew during this time. The one from yesterday said, "My Mom Rocks! Yay!" and inside, he wrote, "I love you Mom, you're the best." He said it helps him to draw when he misses me. It's helping me with this adjustment, too. I look at his sweet work on the refrigerator when he is gone during the day, and it makes me smile. He has grown up so much, but he is still my baby in so many ways. In many ways, he always will be!
Big guy has always been social and not very much of a homebody, but he has told me that the worst part of kindergarten is that he misses me. Each day the class has free-choice centers, when they are allowed to go to whichever center they like. He usually chooses drawing. Most days, he has brought home a sweet homemade card for me that he drew during this time. The one from yesterday said, "My Mom Rocks! Yay!" and inside, he wrote, "I love you Mom, you're the best." He said it helps him to draw when he misses me. It's helping me with this adjustment, too. I look at his sweet work on the refrigerator when he is gone during the day, and it makes me smile. He has grown up so much, but he is still my baby in so many ways. In many ways, he always will be!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Kindercamp!
Big guy started his orientation at the elementary school this morning! He loved it and can't wait to go back tomorrow! Doesn't he look like such a little man???
Of course, I will always think of him more like this. :)
Sigh. Time goes really, really fast.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Deep Thoughts, by Big Guy
We are on the countdown now to big school starting...less than three weeks to go! Every time I wonder whether big guy is really, truly ready, he says something else really smart that convinces me that he is. Today he asked a question that really got me thinking. We were just driving in the car when he asked, "Mommy, what does it feel like to be a parent?"
Of course, this is a question with no easy answer. I told him that being a parent usually feels like your heart is about to explode with love. But now I am thinking about what I will tell him when he is older, when he is becoming a parent himself. What does it feel like to be a parent?
It feels scary. There is a quote that says becoming a mom is deciding to allow your heart to walk around outside your body, and that is a terrifying feeling. You worry about things you never thought about before. You worry about things you used to worry about, but to a much bigger degree. You worry pretty much all the time. It's scary.
It feels miraculous. With every new skill your child learns, with every stage they pass, you realize that you created this awesome being. You brought him into this world, and now he is a wonderfully real, fully formed person who is a joy to get to know. To have a child is to watch a miracle in front of you every single day.
It feels confusing. We have two wonderful living children, but I miss the two we don't have with us. It doesn't make sense to miss someone you never got to meet. I never knew their genders, their hair color, their weight...but I feel their absences from my life every day, like two little holes in my heart. There is no way to make sense of this, but it is there just the same.
It feels amazing. That's the easiest way to put it. Being a parent feels a lot of things, but mostly it feels amazing. I'm so grateful that it's a feeling I know.
Of course, this is a question with no easy answer. I told him that being a parent usually feels like your heart is about to explode with love. But now I am thinking about what I will tell him when he is older, when he is becoming a parent himself. What does it feel like to be a parent?
It feels scary. There is a quote that says becoming a mom is deciding to allow your heart to walk around outside your body, and that is a terrifying feeling. You worry about things you never thought about before. You worry about things you used to worry about, but to a much bigger degree. You worry pretty much all the time. It's scary.
It feels miraculous. With every new skill your child learns, with every stage they pass, you realize that you created this awesome being. You brought him into this world, and now he is a wonderfully real, fully formed person who is a joy to get to know. To have a child is to watch a miracle in front of you every single day.
It feels confusing. We have two wonderful living children, but I miss the two we don't have with us. It doesn't make sense to miss someone you never got to meet. I never knew their genders, their hair color, their weight...but I feel their absences from my life every day, like two little holes in my heart. There is no way to make sense of this, but it is there just the same.
It feels amazing. That's the easiest way to put it. Being a parent feels a lot of things, but mostly it feels amazing. I'm so grateful that it's a feeling I know.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tender Heart
We took the boys to the Atlanta Zoo yesterday. We had an absolutely wonderful time! The boys loved seeing the animals, riding the train, petting the goats, and riding the beautiful endangered species carousel, where instead of horses you can choose to ride a panda, tiger, or other endangered creature. Our last stop was the zoo playground, which gave us our sweetest, most touching moment of the day.
Right outside the playground entrance are two statues: a little girl sitting with a kitten in her lap, and a little boy standing and playing with a garter snake. As soon as I saw them, I remembered that they had a terribly sad story. The statues are in memory of Brian and Laura Birdsong, two Atlanta-area children who loved the zoo. When he was 9 and she was 6, their mother put them on a commuter airplane for a quick trip to visit their grandparents in St. Simon Island. The plane crashed into a stand of trees and exploded, killing all 23 people on board. The zoo commissioned the statues with the family's permission, and now they stand next to the playground, where all visiting children have a chance to see them.
Big guy was very interested in the statues. He climbed on them, touched the garter snake, and sat next to the little girl. Then he wanted me to read the plaque to him. I read only the words, not wanting to share such a sad story with him. Then he asked me about the dates. I explained to him in vague terms that the little boy and girl were brother and sister, that they had been in an accident and died. He couldn't stop asking questions: How old were they? What happened? Did they really look like the kids in the statues? I redirected him to the playground and hoped he wouldn't dwell on it too much.
After a long playtime, we gathered the boys up and got ready to leave. As we were leaving, big guy ran over and climbed up onto the statues again. I went over to get him, and I watched him put his arms around the boy statue in a big hug. He laid his head on the statue's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." Instead of hurrying him down, I decided to let him have a minute to deal with this sad story in his own way.
My big guy is a thinker, and he can be a bit obsessive (like his mother). But I was reminded yesterday of when that is a good thing, when he can show sympathy for a child he never met, who had something terrible happen to him. Of course I took a moment to think of these children's mother, and to say a quiet prayer for the family. But leave it to big guy to just openly show his feelings and say what all who look upon the statues are thinking: "I'm sorry."
Right outside the playground entrance are two statues: a little girl sitting with a kitten in her lap, and a little boy standing and playing with a garter snake. As soon as I saw them, I remembered that they had a terribly sad story. The statues are in memory of Brian and Laura Birdsong, two Atlanta-area children who loved the zoo. When he was 9 and she was 6, their mother put them on a commuter airplane for a quick trip to visit their grandparents in St. Simon Island. The plane crashed into a stand of trees and exploded, killing all 23 people on board. The zoo commissioned the statues with the family's permission, and now they stand next to the playground, where all visiting children have a chance to see them.
Big guy was very interested in the statues. He climbed on them, touched the garter snake, and sat next to the little girl. Then he wanted me to read the plaque to him. I read only the words, not wanting to share such a sad story with him. Then he asked me about the dates. I explained to him in vague terms that the little boy and girl were brother and sister, that they had been in an accident and died. He couldn't stop asking questions: How old were they? What happened? Did they really look like the kids in the statues? I redirected him to the playground and hoped he wouldn't dwell on it too much.
After a long playtime, we gathered the boys up and got ready to leave. As we were leaving, big guy ran over and climbed up onto the statues again. I went over to get him, and I watched him put his arms around the boy statue in a big hug. He laid his head on the statue's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." Instead of hurrying him down, I decided to let him have a minute to deal with this sad story in his own way.
My big guy is a thinker, and he can be a bit obsessive (like his mother). But I was reminded yesterday of when that is a good thing, when he can show sympathy for a child he never met, who had something terrible happen to him. Of course I took a moment to think of these children's mother, and to say a quiet prayer for the family. But leave it to big guy to just openly show his feelings and say what all who look upon the statues are thinking: "I'm sorry."
Saturday, April 24, 2010
My Son, the Composer
A few nights ago when I was putting little guy to bed, big guy came in the room and asked if he could sing him a lullaby. We all sat in the rocking chair together and big guy began to sing a made up song: "You are the best baby brother in the world...I love you so much. You are everything I have ever wished for...even more than a dog." :)
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